Wish you’ll read it…

I don’t know any way to tell you about this, so I’ll just write it. Wish you’ll read it…

It’s been awhile since everything about us was ended. Honestly, nothing is so terrible that I can’t handle. Over all, everything is fine. Hmm, there is only one question which comes up in my mind recently. When I contemplate this question, I find that it’s not as simple as I wonder. It’s complicated enough to be answered because I cannot recognize what I feel todays… ughh…poor me. Why I can’t totally escape from you? That is the question, the annoying one. I don’t say I want to turn back to you. I just couldn’t care less about you. I’m still on my prayer which you are in. Even though I never think or wish that you’ll care about it, I do it because I want to. Every time I want to remind you, my heart holds back. It tells me that I don’t deserve to do that, so I just pray. You’re not my happiness. I’m still happy without you, and my life seems better when we’re not together. However, I cannot pretend that I want you, still want you… It’s such a very ironic fact that I’ve ever had in my life. Dang it! I want to stop hoping about the miracle, but my heart tells not to. I don’t know why I really believe that someday the miracle will happen though it maybe happens not for me to get back. If I have to be honest with you or even with myself, I could tell that I want your feeling about me will be still the same. I know I’m selfish. I want you, but I couldn’t accept the way you are. God, please forgive me for having this selfish thought. It seems like I always have problems with your thoughts, your life, and your surroundings. But, the truth says something different. It says that no matter how hurt those things torture me, I’ll still long for you. Now I’m wondering whether I’m going insane. I’m a person who cannot escape from someone who is terrible enough in my view. Is it normal? I don’t think so, but yeah that has trapped me day by day. It’s complicated enough, rite? I don’t know what I need to do to face this strange part of life, except keep wishing the miracle to happen. Yeah, I admit that I still want you. I’m tired enough hearing people who says that I pretend to be careless about you. Hufft!