Six Months in Vain

I just had let him go when you unexpectedly turned up in my facebook. I was the one who chose to finish my relationship for my own good and also for his. I know he had found the better one. Though it was so hard to me to accept that condition, but I did. I struggled to pass my hard time until the first time I made a comment on your note. That was the first time I noticed you since I just knew that you are my friend’s best friend. I had ignored your comment on my status and my note for several times. I also didn’t suppose that you would call me just after you replied my comment, and one more thing that does not make sense until today is that you actually didn’t mean to call me. You just accidentally pressed the call button in my profile. Since the day you accidentally called me, I felt you became really care of me. You were the one who used to be there when I cried, felt empty, and even tried to forget my feeling about him. You were the one who gave support, strengthened me with many verses of God’s word. And finally, you got me away from my hard time successfully. I moved on. You just came into my life in the right time. You seemed as a savior to me though by the time goes the fact proofs that you was not.

A month passed, you had been a part in my life. You tried to occupy the empty place in my heart that was left by him, and I gave you the chance to. The bravest decision I ever took in my life. I gave the chance which was about my heart to someone that I didn’t exactly know who he is at that time. But yeah, you could perfectly convince me to take the risk and not to be playing save. Then my life became full of you, it was so fluctuate. I’ve had never wondered that someone over the island who is very far away from me could make my life up and down, but I couldn’t deny the fact that you did it. The days went and everything seemed good (not really good actually, but yeah at least not bad) until the day of disaster was started. It was started when you introduced your two best friends (two girls with bad attitudes and impolite behavior) at the first time. Since the day I met them, I know they didn’t really like me. They treated me good just because they respect to you (only you, not me). They looked down on me, and they considered me as a kid. They never respect to me (until today), especially the little one. In my opinion, she likes you and feels that I’ve snatched you away from her. Then disaster by disaster happened in my life, they ruined my life. I could do nothing about it because of you. I respect to you, and you meant much to me. You used to say that your friends mean everything to you. You used to look after to them though the reality proofed that they were not completely right. I think they only give a bad effect to you and your life. And, by the time goes I realized that it was not only them who ruined my life, but you also did it to me. The reality revealed who you are. You were not as good as I think when the first time I knew you. You couldn’t handle your anger, your mouth, and your egoism. You always considered that you were right, and you must be the winner. You never tried to understand what I felt. You didn’t care even want to know what I felt. The bad sides of you came up softly (one by one), but I tried to ignore them. I gave all my efforts, everything that I can do to minimize those things.

Until I felt enough for you, finally I made a decision to get myself out from that condition. I was tired enough to face those people who had ruined a half of my life. I ended what I had weaved with you for along six months. Surprisingly, you shocked and couldn’t accept my decision. What made me more surprised is that you didn’t know if there were many problems in this relationship. You thought that everything seemed so good until the decision was made. You just had realized that there were many things happened and made me hurt. You tried to fix what had been broken, and you promised everything would be better. You asked me to give some time to fix and change the condition. I felt doubt about that, but I still gave the time you need. As my prediction, it became so hard for you. You were not brave enough to choose between me and your best friends. You left your bad habits hardly. You just forced yourself to leave alcohol, nightlife, and filthy words without willingness. Although everything were so hard to fix, but three weeks later you seemed successful. Then you came to me and ask for the second chance. You said that finally you chose to leave your best friends and cut all your bad habits. For you had made efforts to get the second chance, I gave you the chance. I put all my hopes and wishes together with the chance I give to you.

I thought it was the new beginning and I had expected too much from it. But the fact is that I was wrong, I was totally wrong. Just several days after you got the second chance, the final disaster happened. You become so mad with me just because of a small problem. You shouted at me, and you insult me! I can’t approve those things until today. It was only a matter of long distance which needs a well communication, but it made you explode. You had completed the wound that you made in my heart. I regretted why I must give you the second chance because actually you were not really fixed the broken. You didn’t really leave your best friends, and you felt being pressured when you couldn’t do your bad habits. I also regretted why I must open the chance for you to refill the empty place in my heart. Even I regretted why I must know you. I realize that I’ve been wasting my life, my time, even my heart for six months. You’ve made me vain for six months!

05.09.09